Character Building & Denial

As a youngster, I was not very popular. In fact, I was utterly unpopular to the point of being teased and expelled from early social groups at school.

It was painful not to be included and I learned to feel less important than others because I could not figure out why others scorned me. To this day I still do not completely understand why it was like that, but every now and then I get glimpses into how I must have been perceived by my young classmates.

Denial was my favored mechanism for handling the painful feelings associated with being scapegoated. I never talked about it or admitted this failure to assimilate with my peer group, even to my parents. It was embarrassing.

I went through 5 years of both subtle and not so subtle ostricizing in my early grade school years because I never dealt with the teasing directly and it became a habit with our class. Unfortunately for me, I was with the same group of kids 1st grade through 5th grade.

Even though I was in denial of the problem and therefore never found a solution, I did gain strength from the unacknowledged pain I suffered.  To this day, I do not let other's lack of favor with me influence my decisions in life. I know that even though I don't like it, I have a huge tolerance of others' negative opinions toward me and I'm not subject to manipulation by the withholding of approval, a natural tactic I've seen folks use.

But on the flip side of that, I've had to be very careful not to follow every person who offers their approval. When people act like they like me, the tendency is to want to keep that going. And, humorously, I've learned throughout the years, that there are some who I am better off NOT looked upon with their favor.

I think what may have happened those many years ago is that a tiny seed was planted as they can be with most everyone in their youth. People get picked on in those grades and everyone has his/her day. But what made it different for me was my denial of the situation. The denial, itself, allowed the seed to take root and grow into an ugly situation because I ended up camping out in it.

I'm on Facebook with many of those kids from those early years and they are all good people and there is no one I can say was a bad kid growing up. And I bet if I asked them "why" they would probably be as confused as I was about what the answer might be :)

One thing I can say now is that I've learned to tackle relationship problems head on as an adult, almost to a fault. Whenever I suspect I'm being slighted or scrutinized, the tendency is to confront the person and learn what I can do different, if anything. But most people, I find, aren't really paying all that much attention to me. Being so innocuous is a true blessing, and even a welcome contrast to my youth. I'm working on making the perception of myself as fitting in as a connector, rather than standing out as an oddity. So far, so good :)

So Thankful

Every year I find more and more to be thankful for. At the top of the list is my fantastic health. Seriously, I believe I am healthier than I was 10 years ago. I seem to have more energy and my hair doesn't fall out nearly as much as it did when I was in high school, not to mention just 5 years ago.

Sure my diet is pretty good, as I have trained myself to eat healthy since I discovered my own food/mood connection at the young age of 18. But I really don't think that is why my health is so much better. I know others who have terrible diets and they don't seem to be at the effects of what they put into their bodies. Still, I'm pretty careful since I've learned how to provide myself with tasty, pleasing foods that are good for me.

I believe that my good health has more to do with my gumption for life than my diet or the amount of water that I drink. I'm finally surrounding myself with positive, encouraging people who build up rather than tear down. And it is not because they are building ME up that has this magical effect. It is that they are teaching me to be a builder and encourager which is more in sync with the way a body is supposed to be. Positive thoughts and belief in my fellow man is the most nutritious food.

Always Room For Improvement

Sometimes the distance between where I am and where I want to be can be a daunting realization. Admittedly, by design, I have a modest lifestyle. It only recently occurred to me that anything better was possible, given my personality and education level. So I built a small, precarious home and lived most of my life trying to be satisfied with it.

Even though I realize how very blessed I am compared to the majority of the world, my jobs felt mostly meaningless and the little time I had, on my off hours, was mostly spent in solitude. Despite all the meditation, self help and spiritual healing I engrossed myself in, I was never able to be satisfied with my life and my lack of outer accomplishments.

For some reason, the hope of something better never completely left me. I can't say for certain why, but I am truly grateful.

How wonderful it will be when I'm in a better position to handl life's emergencies without lowering my standard of living even further. I also look forward to keeping those positive souls in my life around me, rather than pushing them away with my "doing the best I can" attitude.

I do love my life and am grateful for everything and everyone in it. It takes work, however. Especially appreciating those who despise me (yes, believe it or not there are a few - and possibly, deservedly so). I trust that even they have something to teach me toward my better life and I'm learning to be open to the lessons.

There is no such thing as something for nothing. So I'm geared up for a fierce battle with myself to change into the type of person that can accomplish great things. I have big goals and big dreams reserved for another blog, Right now, "great" would be, simply having the time and patience to be with that child in my neighborhood who needs some encouragement. Earlier today, I said to this little one who wanted my attention, "I am late for an appointment. Talk to you later. Have fun."

I'm banking on the fact that these little heart breaks will eventually lead to an exponential amount of time for higher quality attention and for many more souls. I'm now only at the beginning stages of changing myself into that better person. Wish me well because there is a lot at stake. The worst result would be for those little heart breaks to have been for nothing.

What's in it for me?

I belong to a networking club that meets every Wednesday. I always look forward to my time with these business owners because this particular group seems to attract entrepreneurs who are not solely concerned about acquiring new business. They genuinely seek to get to know and develop friendships with members of the community, trusting that any interaction has value regardless of whether or not it leads to business. 

Every week each attendee has 60 seconds to speak on how they serve the community at large.  The object is to pique others’ interest so that the individuals in the group might want to learn more about what they have to offer. The next step is to seek out members of interest and schedule time to meet outside of the meeting.  Ideally, these self selected teams of two get to know each other and begin developing trust through friendship.  After all, we do and refer business with people we know and like, don't we?

In getting to know one another at these meetings, a different question is posed each week. The speaker tailors their elevator pitch with their answer in mind.  Yesterday’s topic was “Why do you do what you do?”

I had a lot on my plate yesterday but when I learned the topic via our weekly email blast, I decided to move heaven and earth to attend the meeting. I was excited to learn more about these fun and interesting professionals I’ve come to know, and admittedly saw it as a terrific opportunity to shine some light and share about my own business.

It was a blast getting to know my friends a little better by learning why they chose their profession, but I have to say that when it came to my turn to speak, I failed miserably to put into words the motivation for my own work. Why was it so difficult of an assignment when there is nothing more basic and fun to share?

For me, my tendency is to over talk and tell way too much. I was also feeling a bit defensive yesterday and that never helps. So here is my do over.

WHY I DO WHAT I DO
I pet sit because nothing energizes me more than working with animals. It is a long story about how the business came to me, but in a nut shell, my pet sitting profession fell into my lap like a warm puppy. I have a big, hairy, audacious goal for Wag More, but that is for another blog post.

I also enjoy learning and found an organization that pays me to develop myself as a leader. I believe that in order to be successful, an entrepreneur must fill a need in a way that no one else can and am convinced that the new LIFE leadership model does that. There is a huge need for leaders and affordable tools to help facilitate their learning. Leaders never stop learning and never stop growing. I feel privileged to be a part of this amazing organization and enjoy sharing it with others. There is nothing more worthy and nothing more exhilarating than to help develop others become their personal best by example.It will be amazing when that starts to happen increasingly for me as I continue to be influenced by friends who inspire me by their own self improvement and accomplishments.

A few books that have helped so far:

The Next Millionaires – Paul Zane Pilzer

The Cash Flow Quadrant – Robert Kiyosaki

How to have Confidence and Power when Dealing with People – Les Giblin

The Speed of Trust - Stephen MR Covey

LivingForExcellence.com

I've been very busy serving my vacationing customers this summer. My life is good and getting better! Here is the link to our new business that is being launched very soon! It is the first networking business I know of that provides leadership and self development tools at a very reasonable cost. The CDs will be affordable even if people don't opt to build the business.

http://www.livingforexcellence.com

One of the reasons I know we're onto something is because the negative websites are in full force about it! I love being apart of something new even if that means ruffling the feathers of the status quo. Can the status quo have feathers? Hmm...

Snugglefest

It is hard to imagine what life would be like without Sparky and Miso. These wonderful cats not only keep me company but they teach me so much and have helped me become a better person in the following ways:

• I'm less self absorbed because they are an enjoyable way to connect with the world outside of myself and my problems.  
• They remind me to ask for help by example when meowing for food or attention.
• Also by example, they remind me to wash myself so I'm clean and neat when I interact with other people. 
• They forgive and forget quickly after fighting and hissing with each other. I still need to work on that one...
• They walk around confidently and don't judge me. This helps me with my own confidence and projecting acceptance onto others, as well. I get practice at feeling loved and accepted.
• They remind me when its time to play. This keeps me from getting too melancholy and reminds me that it is important to have fun, too. 
• They can have a good time batting around a wadded up piece of paper. They remind me that the simple pleasures are sometimes the most gratifying.  
• When purring, cats remind me that it is important to relax once in awhile.
• When they sprint after birds in my backyard, Sparky and Miso remind me that I must exercise and focus on my goals like they do. Just do it :)
• Sometimes Sparky will run up a tree and have trouble getting down. I get practice being his hero as he trusts me to bring him to the ground. He shows me that there is always someone who will help out in a pickle for those who trust and believe. 
• They know that one doesn't have to be especially smart or elaborate to make their way in the world. 

 I am so grateful to have these two little angels on my side. They are very much a comfort when things don't necessarily go my way :)
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Team Leadership Convention this Weekend

I will be in Columbus, Ohio this weekend to attend a huge convention. I'm excited to learn about the new format for the leadership development group I am involved in. They are also introducing a new stream of income which makes the business all the more appealing for the new business owner.

http://www.livingforexcellence.com/