Always Room For Improvement

Sometimes the distance between where I am and where I want to be can be a daunting realization. Admittedly, by design, I have a modest lifestyle. It only recently occurred to me that anything better was possible, given my personality and education level. So I built a small, precarious home and lived most of my life trying to be satisfied with it.

Even though I realize how very blessed I am compared to the majority of the world, my jobs felt mostly meaningless and the little time I had, on my off hours, was mostly spent in solitude. Despite all the meditation, self help and spiritual healing I engrossed myself in, I was never able to be satisfied with my life and my lack of outer accomplishments.

For some reason, the hope of something better never completely left me. I can't say for certain why, but I am truly grateful.

How wonderful it will be when I'm in a better position to handl life's emergencies without lowering my standard of living even further. I also look forward to keeping those positive souls in my life around me, rather than pushing them away with my "doing the best I can" attitude.

I do love my life and am grateful for everything and everyone in it. It takes work, however. Especially appreciating those who despise me (yes, believe it or not there are a few - and possibly, deservedly so). I trust that even they have something to teach me toward my better life and I'm learning to be open to the lessons.

There is no such thing as something for nothing. So I'm geared up for a fierce battle with myself to change into the type of person that can accomplish great things. I have big goals and big dreams reserved for another blog, Right now, "great" would be, simply having the time and patience to be with that child in my neighborhood who needs some encouragement. Earlier today, I said to this little one who wanted my attention, "I am late for an appointment. Talk to you later. Have fun."

I'm banking on the fact that these little heart breaks will eventually lead to an exponential amount of time for higher quality attention and for many more souls. I'm now only at the beginning stages of changing myself into that better person. Wish me well because there is a lot at stake. The worst result would be for those little heart breaks to have been for nothing.